The Stupidity of Me and Other Stuff.

I am... Angela and in between my eyebrows wrinkle free.
I think...I'm the villain in my kids' stories.
I know... I'm trying to do my best.
I want...to be able to do more, to be more.
I wish... I could take away Erik's stresses.
I had... shots in my head today.
I hate... shots and pickles.
I miss... my family.
I fear... my headaches won't go away.
I feel ...cold.
I hear...the television and Erik getting ready for work.
I smell ...my hands because they are always in my face.
I crave... peanut butter and chocolate because I can't eat it.
I search...for the answers to my parenting questions.
I wonder...if I will ever feel like an adult.
I regret...a lot and nothing at the same time. I wouldn't change anything.
I love... my family.
I care...that they all have a good day.
I always...read to get new ideas or improve the ideas I have.
I am not... perfect or pretty.
I could...go to sleep.
I dance...all the time without knowing how.
I sing...loudly and often.
I don't always...know the words to what I sing (who care's).
I write...at night when my brain doesn't shut up.
I win...in arguments, not because I am always right but because I am stubborn.
I lose...at card and board games.
I never...like being around angry people.
I can usually be found...at home, with my kids, or in a bookstore or coffee shop (sometimes all at the same time).
I am scared of...something bad happening to my kids or Erik.
I need...a blanket; I'm freezing.
I am happy about...seeing the ocean every day.
I tag...whoever hasn't done this.

So, I have to tell you about my last few days. Today was nerve-wracking. I have now tried many different ways of trying to get rid of my migraines which are happening more than a couple times a week so my neurologist got insurance approval for botox. That is what I did today, had around 20-25 shots in my face. Most didn't hurt as bad as I had thought they would and a few did. It could take a couple of days to work so I will keep you posted. What was good about today is that I let Jeff and Calista skip school so they could go with Erik and me. Then we went shopping and found them coats. That was fun, spending the day with them. I needed that break after the shots and yesterday.

Erik's days off were yesterday and the day before. Both days he had rifle training so he worked. Rifle training is during the day and usually on Tuesdays and Thursdays he helps me get out of the house with Carson and Ewan because she goes to preschool. Tuesday it was all me which usually isn't a problem. I should have left earlier.

I woke with a migraine not wanting to get out of bed. I do anyway as I always do and get the kids ready. With both kids ready I thought I was doing great. Hey it is 8:15, I am running right on time. I go out to the garage and push the unlock button on the Pilot. Nothing. I try the lock button. Nothing. I go over to the car hoping it isn't true. The door opens right up. I put the key in the ignition and turn. Click Click Nothing. I am no longer running on time. At least we have the extra two carseats. Carrying Ewan while carrying a baby carseat (up to 20pounds) in one hand and holding Carson's hand in my other hand we walk to the Camry.

I open the door and have Carson stand outide by me while I put Ewan standing on the other half of the back seat while I put in the babyseat. I place Ewan in the baby carseat rear-facing whith his legs bent up because he is too tall. I buckle him and run and get the other carseat. I put that in the car and buckle Carson in. I run back into the garage, push the shut button, and run out to the car, ducking under the garage door as I go. Now we're late. As I am driving Carson to school I realize what I should've known when putting Ewan in the seat, he is too big for that seat. We turn a corner and the car seat tips. Now I am driving Carson to school with my arm twisted around the back holding Ewan's carseat in the upright position. I drop Carson off at school and drive back home, stopping for a coffee on the way. Today I need it. I get home, pull Ewan out of his seat and of the car and I stand there. I don't have any house keys. I take a deep breath, go around to Carson's carseat and put Ewan in. I drive to the Elementary school. After getting all the cash in my possession out of the ashtray (a total of $15) and putting it in my pocket I go to the front office and ask for Jeff. "Hey Jeff, happy birthday. Do you think you could save me by giving me my housekeys I gave you?"
"I don't have the keys," he replies.
"Yes you do, they are in your backpack."
"Oh yeah."
We get the keys and he asks, "If you have the keys, then how will we get in the house if you aren't home?"
"Well," I reply encouragingly, "you don't need them because I will be home when you get home and I am taking them to the locksmith right now to have them copied so you have your own set."
He is assured and we part ways. On my way out of the school I stop by the lunchroom to see how much money the kids have in their lunch account. They are in the negative and I relinquish my $15 to make it in the positive and give them money for that day. Off Ewan and I go. Hey I still have change in the ashtray, I bet I could still get those keys. I drive down 5th street where I think the locksmith is. No locksmith. I travel back up Front Street. No locksmith. I try First Street. No locksmith and now it is time to pick up Carson.

I pick up Carson switching Ewan to the too-small seat. The preschool teacher told me the locksmith is on eighth street. I head there and park in front of the shop. I sit there not knowing what to do. My stomache hurts so bad (probably from only having the coffee and migrain drugs that day) and if I don't find a bathroom soon I may have an accident. I could a)go to the locksmith which doesn't have a bathroom and chance an accident or an explosion of my stomache on the inside b)go to the locksmith and walk down the street asking any and everyone if they have a bathroom just to have to sit on a public toilet holding one child on my lap while another one watches me while doing my business or c)go home. Home I go with two children in tow.

I am driving home with my arm cranked in the backseat when my phone rings. It's my mother. Trisha is in the hospital and she was going to deposit money in my account to buy Jeffrey the Lego Batman video game for his birthday. I answer the phone. Please don't let me get in a car accident or be pulled over. Erik would never hear the end of this at work. I am now driving, clenching buttocks, arm cranked in backseat, phone on shoulder, and talking to my mother. I miraculously get home, get in the house, urging Carson to move out of the stairwell so I can go to the bathroom.
"But I need to go to the bathroom," she replies.
"So go to the bathroom but move so I can go too."
"I have to take off my shoes."
"No you don't you can just wear them upstairs and then take them off."
"I have to take them off before going upstairs, you and dad said."
"Just this once Carson, take them off upstairs."
"I'm just going to take them off."
"O.K. Fine. Take them off. I am going around you."
She starts crying, "But I need to go to the bathroom."
"You can use the hall bathroom; I'll use the other one. Just don't listen." I have stage fright.
I get us all upstairs, shut the baby gate, place Ewan down (where he immediatly grabs my pants and tries to stand up), shake him off, and go to the bathroom. I feel better after this so I decide to feed the kids lunch before going to Walmart. I go downstairs to free Boo. Back upstairs I place Ewan in his seat and get them some lunch. Boo wants outside and I go to let him out to realize the back door had been unlocked the whole time. Grr.
After lunch I take the kids to Walmart still in the Camry. Everytime I was at Walmart before they had this game. They didn't. I followed the store lady, pushing the cart, all over the place while she kept saying it could be in this or this place. I suck it up and buy the PS3 version instead of the PS2 version, adding more money to it and get out of there knowing I have to be home by 2:30. I am almost home when I realize. It's early-out day. The kids have been waiting for me to get home for 20 minutes. I get home, park, take a deep breath and wait for the onslaught. I'm a great mom. I open the door to Jeff's, "What happened to being home when we came home so not needing the keys."
"Yeah, well, I was at the store getting your present from Grandma Carma."
"Really, what is it?"
I give it to him and say, "Now is it o.k.?"
"Yeah, sure."
We get in the house and I lay Ewan down for a nap. I put a cartoon movie on the computer for Carson and let Jeff and Calista play the new game. Ah, I'm just going to lay down. I climb in my bed and watch the game the kids are playing.
Ding Dong. Jeff's friend's here. I let him in and he starts playing the game too. I get back in bed.
Ding Dong. Jared is here. We decide to jump the Pilot. I move the Camry to a better position to jump the Pilot and go to Jared in the Pilot. It can't get out of the garage without power to get it out of park. I go out to where the Camry is and Erik gets home. I have to move the Camry to fit the cop car. After, Jeff opens his presents then I need to go to the grocery store to get something for dinner.
"No Carson, you can't go. I will be right back."
I get my wallet and other things and go to the stairs. There is Carson with her jacket on crooked and her rainboots on. Carson and I get in the Camry and go to the stoor. She loves being pushed around in those car carts. She kept standing up saying, "PFFFT Bunny toot." We get home and get dinner ready.
Ding Dong. Stu is here to get Jeff for Scouts.
"Hurry Jeff, eat this granola bar, nutra grain bar, and drink some juice. Get your jacket and shoes on. Don't forget your knife. Have fun. See you later."
The rest of us have dinner. Younger kids get ready and go to bed. Jeff gets home and they go to bed. Finally the day is ended and all I have to show for it is this story and the knowledge I brought it all on myself.
The pictures are of Carson with Jeff in his new glasses, Jeff's brownies we made the day before this, Carson's first haircut, Calista playing the guitar like she plays her viola, and Ewan on our cold hike I told a few of you about.